The Blog has Moved!
August 16, 2011
Hello friends and followers!
Just wanted to let you know that The Power of Possible has migrated to my new website, www.unlockyourpossibility.com. You can find all of the latest posts there. Here’s a quick link so you can bookmark the page.
Another great way to keep up with me, and to receive more tips and inspiration for unlocking your possibilities in between blog posts, is to go to Facebook and “Like” my page.
See you there!
Click here to go to Facebook and like my page!
Ready to learn the TRUTH about negative emotions, and what you MUST know about relationships? Check out my latest video:
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Wanderlust or Wander-lost?
July 11, 2011
You might have noticed I take a lot of trips. Not fancy travel (although I do enjoy that too), but frequent weekend getaways. I joke with my friends that I’m “on tour”, and I’ve come to feel that I need these trips. If I don’t have one for a few weeks I get antsy.
Sometimes I feel guilty about it. Why am I always taking off when everyone else is content to stay home with their families? What must people think of me? Am I running away from something? Avoiding my responsibilities? Perhaps, but here’s why I don’t care…
I just love the feeling I have during and after a trip. It’s a sense of being totally expanded and opened up to new ideas, possibilities, people, and lifestyles.
Lately I’ve become increasingly aware of the contrast between being “expanded” and “contracted.” It’s a difference I can feel physically. It’s so easy for me to get caught up in the trivialities of my day-to-day routine, the little concerns and worries and self-analysis that cause me to contract. My focus narrows, it’s as if I can’t see anything outside of my thoughts and mind-chatter. It’s almost like that feeling you get right before you faint, as if the walls are closing in, your peripheral vision is shrinking.
I had a great demonstration of this contrast a few weeks ago. I was out for a walk, and I was in this contracted state, totally consumed by the perceived dilemma or analysis du jour. I was all in a dither, and I recall asking for help from my “higher power” so to speak. “Show me what I am supposed to do,” I pleaded. Within a few minutes, I came face to face on the trail with a woman I know, someone I hadn’t seen in a while, and stopped to say hello. Very quickly into our conversation she shared that she had recently suffered a painful personal loss. I was stunned, and I offered her my heartfelt condolences, kindness and support.
As I walked away it dawned on me that my “prayer” had been answered. My focus had shifted completely away from myself and onto what I could do for another, how I could connect with and support someone else, what words she needed to hear. I had stepped outside of myself. I had expanded. It’s the same feeling when I am working with a client, and quite frankly it’s a f—ing relief from being stuck in my own mind!
So what does this have to do with my travels? In a way stepping outside of my physical environment also helps me to expand. And it certainly helps me to step outside of my mental environment. I get that physical sensation of expansion in my body, having met someone new, getting a glimpse into their life, being exposed to a different place or idea.
And there’s something so invigorating about setting out on a little adventure, leaving behind my labels (mother, housekeeper, ex-wife, entrepreneur, etc.). I get to just be me, and I feel like a sponge ready to soak up new possibilities. I collect them like seashells and bring them home as my little souvenirs. I like to integrate them into my life, whether it’s a new recipe, or an anecdote someone shared with me, or the inspiration that comes from having seen something extraordinary. It helps me to see what I want to create for myself.
I read a great line the other day which said, “Not all who wander are lost.” True, my personal home life has been through some changes, and that is a bit painful. There may come a day when I get the same fulfillment from hunkering down at home that I do from wandering. And hopefully, no matter what happens, I’ll master the art of maintaining that expansive feeling in any environment.
But for now this is what I need, and so the tour stops will continue.
Thanks for reading this post! The next step is to join me on Facebook.
New Thirsty Thursday Video!
June 16, 2011
No book review today, just a girl, a glass of wine and perhaps the most important key to unlocking your possibility!
Today’s [Thirsty Thursday] Video Book Review
June 9, 2011
There’s a very common problem many of us have but aren’t aware of. It’s revealed in this video book review, don’t miss!
Old Habits Die Hard
June 9, 2011
The embarrassing addiction that came back to haunt me.
I have a confession to make. I can be just a little nuts about looking for answers, and about wanting to predict the future. I found out the sexes of both of my kids when I was pregnant. I have a history of worrying obsessively about a future event (real or imagined) and trying to rehearse all possible conversations, outcomes etc. I’ll go on a first date and go straight to imagining us married (remember when you used to write your junior high crush’s last name with your first name all over your PeeChee folder?)
And I used to be addicted to horoscopes. I couldn’t make a decision without consulting my horoscope. I’d read every magazine astrology column I could find while in line at the grocery store.
I want to know what to expect. It comes from a deep-rooted fear of being blindsided, of not being able handle whatever comes up in life. But I had given that up a while back, deciding instead to trust myself and to demonstrate to the Universe that I could pilot my own life. Or so I thought.
Over the last month or so I have found myself back on the astrology sites, looking for answers, looking for someone/something to tell me what’s going to happen. And it feels shitty. It feels like some kind of weird emotional free fall where I am reaching out to grasp whatever rock or outcropping I can reach on the way down.
So what gives???
It’s fitting that my Thirsty Thursday video this week is on Gay Hendricks’ book The Big Leap and his concept of the Upper Limit Problem. Because this is a classic case of my own upper limit problem at work.
I just launched my website, which could certainly be cause for celebration, although I have a hard time allowing myself to relish in that.
But there’s also something deeper at work. It’s Go-time. No more hiding behind the computer working on the site. It’s time to get out there – I AM out there – and I’m terrified that it’s not enough. I suddenly don’t trust myself. I’m manufacturing personal dramas to distract me from that feeling, and to distract me from doing the work. I’m worrying about situations like relationships and finances and divorce negotiations that were exactly the same a few weeks ago but that I’ve simply decided to focus all my attention on now and make them into a problem. And it led me right back to that place of looking desperately for answers.
Where’s the trust?
There’s a saying, “Leap (or in my case, free fall off an emotional cliff) and the net will appear.” Thankfully, now that I’ve experienced living in a place of trust, I can feel the difference so acutely that this fearfulness is unbearable. And with the help of some great support from from my own coach, I’ve been able to find the net. This fearful person not who I really am, and I don’t need a horoscope to tell me that.
The reason a movie is never as good as the book is because you already know the ending. When you are reading a story for the first time, you don’t worry about turning the page because you’re afraid you wont be able to handle what comes next. You relish in seeing how the story unfolds. That’s the way life should be, and I needed to remember that it’s the way I choose my life to be.
So, if you see me at the grocery store line with Marie Claire turned to the astrology page, kindly rip that shit out of my hand!
Inside a Deeply Personal Conversation
May 31, 2011
I’m about to let you in on a very personal discussion. You may wonder why I am sharing this. The reason is twofold: 1) I’ve learned from several mentors whom I greatly admire, that every experience we have been given in this life is a gift that we can use to help other people, especially the difficult experiences; and 2) I just finished a book that said, “When an idea pops into our head and we think, ‘No, this is just too crazy,’ …that’s the idea we want.” That’s the idea that will make difference.
And even if it’s just for one person, that’s good enough for me.
Hence, I was inspired – no, I was compelled – to share this discussion that I participated in recently an online forum for coaches, on a topic that is very close to my heart. It sparked a dialogue that I believe would be valuable for anyone else out there dealing with eating or addiction issues personally or with someone that they love… friends, daughters, sisters, even men. If you can think of anyone who might find value in what’s here, please feel free to pass it on. (The discussion is paraphrased and I have omitted all names for confidentiality.)
It started with an initial post by a coach who was looking for advice in working with a client dealing with an eating addiction.
Here’s the comment from another coach that prompted me to chime in:
I had at least three clients spontaneously recover from very serious eating disorders last year. The issue was never food, at least not for my clients. We didn’t even talk about food/diet/etc.
It’s really about worthiness, safety, and love.
Also, the disorder serves a valuable purpose in their lives or it wouldn’t exist. Don’t try to get rid of an eating disorder without finding out what positive purpose it serves, first. When you find, recognize, acknowledge, and appreciate the benefit of the disease, you can find a more constructive way to satisfy the need without the negative consequences.
ME: I too spontaneously recovered from a 20-year intermittent struggle with bulimia. I found that as soon as I stopped focusing on the behavior itself, and found a mirror for my true authentic self, the habits around bulimia became less and less appealing. What you resist persists, and I spent 20 years waging a war against a habit, which only kept it attached to me. What was needed for me was partly surrender/acceptance of the habit itself rather than resistance, and turning my attention toward reconnecting with the parts of myself I loved, the parts of me that were strong, and empowered and self-loving and that I was in touch with back before I developed the eating disorder.
I also became a coach following this experience because coaching was so instrumental for me in my transformation. And you know what? My coach and I almost NEVER talked about my eating behavior. We focused on what I really wanted for my life and helping me get through the fears around taking action on my own behalf.
Response #1
Michelle – you’ve perfectly described the power of coaching, not just for something like an eating disorder, but for anything that shows up in life.
Whatever shows up is tapping us on the shoulder, getting our attention. It’s a gift, whether it’s ADD, broken relationships, disordered eating, or anxiety.
It’s not something to fight, but something to follow with curiosity.
You reminded me why I love this profession so much. It’s huge and holistic and embraces all of us. It helps us “connect our dots” because it focuses so clearly on who we are being instead of problems, stories or issues.
Thanks for the reminder!
Response #2
Michelle,
As a parent and coach helping the families of people with eating disorders it is so helpful to hear what helped move you toward recovery! This is what I have heard from others as well.
Do you have any tips as to how you reconnected with the parts of yourself you loved?
Thanks for giving all parents/carers hope!
ME: I’ve been thinking a lot about how to describe exactly how I made the shift. The best way I can explain it is that I simply decided there was nothing wrong with me. I recall at one point surrendering to the habit, telling myself, “well I guess I am just going to be a bulimic forever.” It wasn’t what I WANTED, but I didn’t see any other possibility after years of recurring struggle.
Then, very soon after that, in the amazing way the universe works, I was reacquainted with an old friend who had known me before the bulimia, at a time in my life when I knew who I was. It knocked me right back to my true self, and the disordered eating habit was something that just didn’t fit with that anymore. It was truly a miracle.
While it’s not possible for everyone to go out and track down a long lost friend, I think that’s what we can offer people as coaches. To be that mirror of their higher, truer self. To break through the labels, and habits, and struggles to the true essence of the person and reflect to them their greatness, their value, their possibilities. To accept them unconditionally, focus on what matters to them, help them regain their power and essence outside of the habit or “disorder”, whatever it may be.
When you label yourself as an addict, or anorexic/bulimic, fat, compulsive, neurotic or whatever label you use, it robs you of your possibilities. It’s our job as coaches to help people get them back.
On the practical side, I did a lot of journaling and some specific exercises geared around getting to know myself, rewriting the lies of my past, and reconstructing the labels I had been using to define myself. I started with some simple personality profiles (MBTI, Enneagram) and as I read some of the descriptions of personality traits that resonated with me, I remember thinking, “Hey, that’s a pretty cool quality! I’d like to be friends with someone like that!” I also found some great insights in several books, specifically Wayne Dyer’s Erroneous Zones (an oldie but goodie), and Truth, Triumph & Transformation by Sandra Anne Taylor.
Response #4
Wow Michelle!
“The best way I can explain it is that I simply decided there was nothing wrong with me.”
This statement is really so powerful and so transformational. Thinking of the recent post on “wholeness” your statement really speaks to recapturing wholeness- the one who there is nothing “wrong with”. So much of our work is about this. Re-connecting with our wholeness and letting go of the lies, the illusions, the limiting beliefs that stand in the way of (our) truth.
Distinguishing what is out of integrity for us or what is out of balance can really be useful, but somehow we objectify ourselves and others with these labels and can create limits and distorted thinking and relating.
[To be a mirror for clients of their higher self]: this is the greatest gift and really the possibility for people on this planet.
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Thanks for allowing me to share!
xo
Michelle
I’m introducing a new feature on my Facebook page! Click below to check out the first video in my “Thirsty Thursdays” series, and while you are there, don’t forget to “Like” my page!
How I Figured it All Out
May 24, 2011
I was with some friends the other day and we were discussing my new website, www.unlockyourpossibility.com, as well as this blog. One of the questions that came up was “Michelle, how did you figure it out? How did you come up with The Power of Possible and the whole unlocking your possibility thing?”
Well, first and foremost, I had to learn the hard way. I spent years and years buying into my mind-chatter, those old tapes that play in our minds that tell us what we can or cant do, have or be. Vernon Howard refers to it as your “reel-life” (as in fictitious movie) rather than “real life”.
I had a whole bunch of reels playing in my mind all the time. Maybe you recognize a few. “The only way to be happy is __________. You must do ___________ because you need money. Your dream of _______________ is unattainable because _____________. I am really pissed at _____________ because they wronged me. I wish I had said ________ in that conversation with ___________. I can’t choose ____________ because ____________ will judge me. If I don’t accomplish ______________ tomorrow something bad will happen.”
If you’ve ever woken up in the middle of the night churning over something (and you know you have), you know what this feels like. Or how about driving around in your car? Classic mind-chatter time. But you believe these thoughts and so you keep acting from them.
So here’s the deal:
YOU HAVE TO QUESTION YOUR THINKING. We spend so much time engaged in that ongoing mind-chatter, without ever taking a moment to stop and ask if what we are telling ourselves is actually true!
There’s a good chance that they way you talk to yourself is either replaying the past, or based on other people’s opinions. The problem is, something that happened 20 years ago or somebody else’s baggage and fears are not what’s true for you now – UNLESS you allow them to be.
I began to question the truth of what I was saying to myself. Eldon Taylor writes, “Ask yourself, ‘What was your last truly original thought?’ Think about it: Everything from your favorite color to the way you walk and talk has been influenced by your culture and by association with something you like or dislike on the basis of acceptability.” So I began to look for my own authentic thoughts and made new choices about what I wanted to believe. And what’s the result of doing that…? New possibilities. Bingo. That’s how I figured it out.
Now, If you have a belief that you can’t choose your own thoughts, feelings and beliefs, (and therefore be in control of your possibilities AND your happiness), that’s the very first thing you need to get skeptical about, and I urge you to question that shit TODAY! Step one is to get out of your own way.
So I have a little assignment for you this week, pay attention to your thoughts and ask repeatedly, “Is it really true”? Be honest. The answer might surprise you.
Have a question for me? E-mail it to me at michelle@unlockyourpossibility.com and I’ll try to answer it in an upcoming post.
The Power of Possible 