Emotional Cheat Day

I completed my 3^rd professional coach training workshop last weekend, and one of the things about these workshops – they bring up all your own shit.

Over the last year or so, I have been on what’s probably best described as a QUEST for personal growth and healing, which to me means finding the learning in every situation and making conscious choices around thoughts and behaviors that honor and serve me in the best possible way. Needless to say, this involves a certain amount of resistance to old thought patterns and old ways of being, and I have to admit – sometimes all that conscious choice gets exhausting!

So last weekend after a heavy Day 2, I was in a funk. And before I knew it I was indulging in gratuitous thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that I had successfully resisted for months. I found myself asking gossipy questions, wondering if and who my ex is dating, snooping around Facebook checking out the ghosts of boyfriends past, comparing myself to other people, dwelling on the past… you know – your classic, garden-variety pity party. And all along I had this detached voice in my head saying, “Michelle, what the hell are you doing? What about all the work you’ve done?”

Earlier that day I had been out to lunch with classmates, a couple of whom were discussing a diet they are on that allows a “Cheat Day”, which is essentially one day a week that they can eat whatever they want. From my understanding, the point of the cheat day is to reduce feelings of deprivation and prevent you from going overboard later on. And as I reflected on that conversation it occurred to me that what I was doing was an emotional variation on the cheat day! I was giving in to those ego drives to judge and compare and do all the stuff I’ve been learning is not healthy for me. Which leads me to ask, what exactly is “healthy” anyway?

The diet cheat day gives the dieter the opportunity to experience the flavor and texture of a variety of foods, so they can still have a full, satisfying and healthy experience as they work toward their goals. Nothing is “forbidden.” So wouldn’t it also make sense that a healthy well-rounded life involves allowing yourself to experience the richness of a variety of thoughts and emotions? Wayne Dyer writes, “Rather than making something a bad or a good experience, I find myself being in the ‘is-ness’ of the moment.” He suggests that by staying out of your good-thought/bad-thought routine, the more you are able to just be with it. In those moments, you don’t need an excuse or explanation, just observe and let yourself be.

Therein lies the beauty of the cheat day. If you don’t judge the food (or the thoughts, feelings, etc.), but instead just observe what it tastes like and feels like, eventually you will discover your preferences. Because it’s a funny thing – if you’ve ever given up sugar for a while you might have noticed that a piece of candy then tastes much too sweet. And by the same token, by granting myself permission to give into the temptations of old, needy thought patterns, I found they had become a lot less palatable. Damn it… looks like I achieved more personal growth anyway!